Monday, March 14, 2005

Why did I dream of you last night?

Why did I dream of you last night?

Why did I dream of you last night?
Now morning is pushing back hair with grey light
Memories strike home, like slaps in the face;
Raised on elbow, I stare at the pale fog
beyond the window.

So many things I had thought forgotten
Return to my mind with stranger pain:
- Like letters that arrive addressed to someone
Who left the house so many years ago.

- Philip Larkin -

Why did I dream of you last night? The roaring winds call me to awake in silence. I walk towards the rustling sound coming from a dark corner of my house, the abandoned balcony- the only part of my house that is not painted purple due to some silly feng shui belief. I walk with curiousity wondering what lay there that wait for me. I step into the dark and cold balcony, I feel the chills of the wind getting to me.

"Arghhhh!!!" I scream suddenly looking at her staring straight back at me filled with anger, hatred, and... guilt. It was as if she was trying to tell me something. Something I needed to know. Something she knew I did. Something I was hiding, that could ruin me. The possibillities just multiply clouding my thoughts. Everthig starts to spin, I did not know what was happening. I am filled with so much shame and guilt and she knew what I had done. "No!!!"

I find myself lying on the dusty wooden floor of my balcony. I get up and notice a tall mirror with a crack on it standing in front of me. She was still standing there looking at me. Why was she there? Why did I dream of you last night? Who are you and what do you want from me?

Suddenly I knew who she was. She was a reflection of a cold me, so cold filled with anger, shame, and guilt. Why was she here to remind me of all this?

Why did I dream of you last night?

(This story is fictional, so dont get any weird ideas!) Guilt Haunts...