Saturday, December 16, 2006

Art of the silent drum

Art of the silent drum

My head is thumping.
I feel the adrenaline rush.

A mixed feeling of foolishness, and happiness.

They treat me like a gem,
why did I ever step on their polished shoes?
or say that they had piled up issues?

Now I feel like an empty tin can,
empty vessels make more noise.
why cant, I sit and learn the art of the silent drum,
and live my life with more dignity and grace?

Wind silently speaks,
and hushes the thumping.

hush hush....
time to sleep.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Love and loss

Love and loss

Last night was a very painful night. Something happened, and I realised there really is no such thing as fairy tale relationship. You can believe all you want, but then one day reality strikes and you find your prince charming turned into an ugly old frog, the evil witch puts curse on you, and will probably rule the world at the end of the story. No more happy endings.

I want to share two things with all my readers.

First is the song "The Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel.
This song, is so sweet, yet it is no fairy tale. Its a reality check.Those of you who undestand the words to this song, you should love someone this way, not by the "book of love".

I love this song. It is also played in Shall We Dance.

-The Book of Love-
by Peter Gabriel

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I, I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I, I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I, I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I, I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings


Second is the poem "One Art" written by Elizabeth Bishop.
This is a poem about loss, and how to deal with it. I like the way she writes, and I agree with her.

-One Art-
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I hope all of you who are reading this can learn something from it. Even if you dont, life is full experiences, it will teach you at the right time.
Keep loving, and keep it real.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Breathless at 3 am

Breathless at 3 am

This morning, I woke up with a really bad asthma attack. It felt like I was fighting to live. I was wheezing so heavily, and my chest felt so tight. I could hardly think straight. I have not had this bad of an attack since I was 12 years old. My mother rushed me to Pantai, so she could get me on a nebulizer fast so I can breathe.

Lucky for me, Pantai's emergency ward was empty, so I was attended to as soon as I got there. After taking my blood pressure, I was quickly given the nebulizer. While I lay there, breathing through the nebulizer, I was reminded of how scared I used to get when I had attack. This was when I was a child, and did not know any better. I used to be so worried that I would not survive. That I would stop breathing before any help was given to me. Everytime I had an attack I used to think I was a step closer to death, or like a cat, was a losing my nine lives so easily.

Asthma can be a really scary thing especially if you know very little about it. Apparently it is impossible for an asthmatic to die of an asthama attack today, because once just a litte medicine has gone into your body, you are protected. There is not a single small risk of you dying once this happens. You might suffer quite a bit due to difficulties breathing, but you wont die. Now thats a real relief. I still wonder, how they can guarantee you that your life is protected with heavy dosed drugs. Guess that might be a reason why, I never stepped into the science stream. Science is about proof, but I believe in exceptions.

Well anyways, I should get some rest now. Will keep you guys posted with my quiries of life and the things that happen around me. Thank you for bookmarking my blog.

Monday, November 06, 2006

The power of contacts

The power of contacts

It is amazing what you can achieve with contacts. You could get away with murder by just knowing the right people. In a working environment, being in the good books of your boss, actually has many advantages. On the negative end, it really annoys others who are just doing their job the right way(which is the harder way).

The truth is, when you have contacts like that, people just hate you. You could look at it as if it were jealousy. In my working environment I learnt that although people bitch about the person who sucks up to the boss, that person actually benefits more. Personally I hate the next person who polishes the boss' shoe, but if you look at it in a wider perspective, you find that, its life. That's how this world operates. They always say study smart not hard. It works the same way with work I guess. Work smart not hard. Suprisingly it actually takes you to the top.

A little inside on my situation at work. The boss they all bitch about who is such a big suck up, always get a phone call 10 minutes before the district manager plans to walk in for a "surprise checklist". That gives us more than enough time, to make sure everything is in order, expiry dates are checked and updated, and the outlet is sparkling. In the end of the day, the suck up gets promoted right to the top, with a better job, and a higher paying salary. Leaving the rest of us, hardworkers, frustrated at how easily it was for the suck up to climb the ladder.

Guess that's life though. You got to want to get to the top, and play your role smart, not hard. No I am not encouraging anyone to suck up to their boss, but merely stating a point that you only get places when you know the right people.

The next time, you get a chance to meet some new people. Take that opportunity, you never know what they could do for you. Haha. Sounds like using people.

Well, that's life, be smart! Get used it!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Sexy smell of the air

Sexy smell of the air

I love damp smell of the air once the rain has stopped.
It is unique, and sensual.

It is bad for hair texture, as it makes hair dry,
but yet the smell is so attractive.
Makes me feel so sexy, and confident,
ready to take on life's challenge,
like there is no one in the world to compete with,
but me...

At the end of a day,
I just want to lay back,
close my eyes,
and smell the damp air.

It is a cosy feeling.
and also stress free...

Saturday, November 04, 2006

So little time

So little time

Its been a long time.

I am so tired.
So much to do, so little time.

Mooting bundle to be done.
Tort assignment articles to be read.
Opinion writing presentation to prepare for.
Cases to be summarised for class.
Tort and Land Essays due next week.
Sale of Goods chapters to be read up.
World of Coffee and World of Tea training to attend.
Modelling pictures to be printed for portfolio.
Birthday Presents to shop for.
Black court shoes to be bought.
Friends to catch up with.
Car to be washed.
Tuition scheduale to be fixed.
Job interview to prepare for next week.
Register HOTLINK account.
Get roadtax done.
Check Ralph's car tinted windows.
Organise party and find a venue.

Oh yes, Dont forget to eat lunch again!!

Im so tired...

Just wish there was one more day in a week.
I want to run into your arms, and sleep there, and wake up fresh.

Oh baby, thanks for being here for me, even when I dont make much time for anything other than myself. I love you so much.

Im so blessed to have you in my life.

Happy Anniversary love!!


Sunday, September 10, 2006

The emotional hang over

The emotional hang over

Friday night:

Good Show.
Hard Drinks.
Instant Headache....

To many things on my mind.

I keep thinking of how much you love me,
and its just killing me.
I dont think you go all out for me as you used to.
Is it because of change?
Have I changed?

I still send you emails, write you letters, send you smiles, hugs and kisses.
I sms you every other time I can.
I write about you, for you all the time.
I still buy roses everyday to put in that vase you got me, eventhough Im broke.
I argue with you, because I miss you and I love you.

Have you forgotten how much I love you?
Did I do something to make you turn away?
Why cant I see the guy I used to know?
Was it that you did too much for me?
That it hurt your household and lost yourself?

Maybe I just dont deserve your love...

But I miss you and I love you
and I am still here waiting for you to run back into my arms.

Saturday morning:

Hang Over.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Happiness as a word

Happiness as a word

Yes, the purple cat went silent for a while now. She has been laying low, and was little down, but she is much better now.

I am now working at Coffee Bean Sri Hartamas as a barister, and work has been good. I really enjoy the company of my team members, and random regular customer chats which only last for about 3-5 minutes, but nonetheless, its nice. Guess, Its just in my nature. I love socialising. I love working with people. The Food and Beverage line (FNB) is a very interesting line to work in especially since I am studying nothing closely related to it, law. However, with a few customer complaints and office politics that did occur, I realised that the field I am in, law, could perhaps be used in the FNB line,for the better benefit of the company. Maybe in the future, I would consider owning an outlet of my own, as well as taking care of the legal aspects involved in it. It be fun, since I really enjoy my job.

Anyways, I thought I'd blog you'll a question posted by one of our regular customers today, which was, what is the meaning of the word happiness?

It seems like a rather easy word to not know the exact meaning. However, although there is a dictionary meaning to the word, I believe that happiness is a perspective and that it would differ from one person to the other. It was nice hearing my team members say what happiness meant to them. For some strange reason, sharing opinions of this word really made us all feel the word.

So here I am posting this question to youll. Share with us, what happiness means to you?

and ill tell you mine, in the next post...

till then..

Saturday, July 29, 2006

The truth hurts

The truth hurts

To you who wanted to hear me say this

I have changed for the worse.
I cant do anything right anymore.
Im paranoid.
Im insecure.
Im useless and worthless.
Im selfish.
Im horrible.
Im impatient.
I like to be in control.
I cant say anything without hurting others.
I bitch about you behind your back.
I hate my life at the moment.
Dont try and save me, cause Ive drowned.

I have changed for the worse,
and I just cant do anything about it....

It hurts to know I really am so bad.

Have you ever thought that it might have been you instead of me.

Ive said it!

Im weak, and I will not fight.
Im human too, and there is only so much critics I can take, and then I explode...

Sunday, July 16, 2006



My life is in your hands
Whatever you do, I trust you
So take me with you
and do not worry, for with you I will be safe

Take me to the moon and back
Lets float away from gravity
Take me to the deep end of the ocean
Lets dive to the lowest point

For once, take it,
Just take the risk,
take me,
and I will come...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Silent Whispers of the Wind

Silent Whispers of the Wind

The silent whisper of the wind clouds the night
with voices of the past
Reminding me of the night of passion,
the night of romance, and of pleasure...

Red is the colour of the sky at dusk
warm lenghts of brightness
then slowly changing its skin to a softer tone
So we feel like we are on esctacy
and then slowly dying with sheer pleasure
again and again until the night is over.

We hear just silent whispers of the wind,
and the rest is left to two.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ladybird Award

Ladybird Award

About a month ago, I had a competition on my blog for a ladybird award. The title of the blog post was 'If all ladybrids were females, then how do they have babies?'. First and foremost I apologise for the delay of the results. I had to sort a few issues with the owner of the ladybird image and the judges who took ages to get back to me with the results.

A big thank you to the 'LB man' for letting me host his ladybird image as an award and to sandman, chitts, firelady, matthias, and riskydriver, thank you so much for taking your time to judge this competition.

So for the moment we all been waiting for.

The winner of the lady bird award goes to....


Michael Lancelot Rodrigues

with his idea as to how ladybrids have babies

'lolz... herm.. there is a ladybug stork.. who delivers little baby ladybugs to ladybug parents...'

The lady bird award is hosted on my blog and placed right hand task bar with Michael's name on it. It will remain there till another award is won on my blog.

To all the other contestants, thank you so much for participating. All your entries had a little wit in it, and that puts a smile on my face. However there can only be one winner, and here the judges voted that Michael gets the award. Dont worry, there will be loads of competitions on my blog in the future, dont give up, you might win it next time.

Love yall bloggers. Thanks for your continuing visits to my blog.

Peace out.

Monday, July 10, 2006



It is funny how we all revolve around space, time for ourselves, shutting the whole world out just for self content. I hate this word SPACE... I guess to me, when someone is given space, most of time they take advantage on it, in a selfish sense only worrying about him/herself, while taking advantage on it, may sit and hurt others who love you, and have sacrificed everything for you.

Space allows people to think about what they have done, but how many people really do this? Space lets us a person learn to appreciate what they are missing, but at the same time, they learn what they are not missing. Space is just a lie. A lie to get out of a mess you put yourself in, whether it is a physical or mental. Most of the time, its because you are bored, and you need to take a look at another aspect which you can find a wee bit more interesting about a person.

Space is for lonely people. If you are open, you will agree with me, that space is just delayed truth. If there isnt anything to hide, then why do you need space? If you want to look at the bigger picture, then step back. Have you ever realised why the key to that thing to separate words is called SPACE bar? That key deletes the physical and mental connection between the two words. The sentence sounds good, but most of the time one or the other word can be replaced with another word. So in other words, space is like fishing in the sea. Seeing if there is someone out there more compatible for you.

If my theory above is right, then people shouldnt fill others with lies like they love them so much that they will never let them go, they will never do anything to hurt you, and never lie to you, then after saying that go behind your back to what they call SPACE or a time out. To me, that itself is a lie. Space divides people. If you are in a relationship and you are unhappy, then break up, space will not help it, it just makes things worse most of the time. If you want to take this a step further, SPACE and BREAK UP really is the same thing. Fishing in the sea, moving on!

I am for a relationship without Space, if you agree with me then live it and be happy.

Forget about love, if you are lying. Keeping the truth away is the absense of truth. The absense of truth is lie.

To fall in love, I believe in truth from the introduction itself.

"There are no intentions here, so relax and explore your hearts content. Have no expectations coz when a person with no intentions meets a person with no expectations, the introduction couldnt be more honest and pure." - Saira Mohan

After that, build your relationship upon that, HONESTY. Speaking from being in a relationship for 2 and a half years. That is the thing that will keep you strong.

p/s: all this is just my opinion, so you dont have to agree with it.

Monday, July 03, 2006

An acceptable excuse

An acceptable excuse

I got a part in the musical 'Les Miserables', to which I am 'Cossette' and 'Young Cossette'. I am really happy I got a part because it kinda gives me hope that my dreams of doing performing arts may still be alive. My voice sounds adultish, yet sweet (thats what this lady who trained me said) and shaky at high notes. I still am not sure how I landed this role. My biggest worry now, is having to portray a voice of a 7 year old.

Getting this part, to me is a miracle, considering the fact that I was not in a position to sing on the day of auditions. I was upset with someone (you) the day before. So upset that I drank, got myself a little tipsy, and woke up the next day sounding like a bull frog. Note to everyone out there, day before audition, dont drink. Warming up in the morning was a real killer. Firstly, because the average human being's voice is only warmed up by noon everyday. Secondly, having alcohol in your system, gets your voice warmed up hours after the average. Auditions was at 10 am. I was so upset, I remember tearing 30 minutes before it began. Thankfully, I did a million scales of warming up, that brought my voice back up very close to its best. For some reason, I did not sound too bad at the audition, and I landed the role I wanted.

Yet, something still annoyed me. The fact that you werent there for me. You knew how important this audition meant to me, and you just made me upset, that I drank, and made it difficult for me to audition, and the next day, you weren't even there to support me.

I collected my results on the same day. You promised you'd be there, but you were not. However, I did fairly well and I should be proud of myself, instead of fretting the fact that you were not there.

Right now, you make me sound so paranoid. After everyone reads this, they are gonna think I am super paranoid!

Sometimes there just isnt any acceptable excuses but saying 'I am sorry'.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Flame of love

Flame of love

The flame of love is slowly dying
That usually is the case
But I thought that we would be different
In our actions and in words

To keep the flame burning
with a lot of passion and caring
So do you still love me?
Your heart, am I still the key?

The phone has stopped ringing
Candle night dinners are over
Love, you have stopped singing
to me with love, your lover.

To me, you seem defensive,
I cannot touch your phone
You have thrown away the curfew
truth is, now I feel alone.

What is it you need from me
To keep the love alive?
What is it that I must give?
For you to realise

How much I love you
and want you to be mine.
I still dont understand
How you try and balance time

Between me and your family,
Yet I still dont feel my share.
It seems more like first it is family,
which is very admirable

Then it comes your friends,
After which I will arrive.
I only say this now,
Because you plan with them.

What happen to you planning?
Romantic candle lights
A midnight moonlit walk
It was something that you loved.

But now, the flame is dying.
My love, why are you flying,
Away from your lover,
who is sinking a step lower.

Are we really like most couples,
Quickly fading the romance.
No more burning madness,
I still want the chance

To hold your hands
To kiss your lips,
And still know that you are there,
Instead of no where.

The flame of love is slowly dying,
That usually is the case
But love I want to fight it,
And keep the flame burning.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

50 Absolutely Useless Facts about the Purple Cat

50 Absolutely Useless Facts about the Purple Cat

1. Loves all animals, especially cats
2. Knows your number after one phone call
3. Drinks Green Tea first thing in the morning
4. Drives a white Mazda Lantis
5. Wants to meet Andrew Llyod Webber
6. Won a Nokia Phone for looking pretty
7. Has a migrain after passing a person with expensive perfume
8. Only drinks tomato juice with salt in it.
9. Hates raisins
10. Talks a wee bit too much
11. Wants to drive a Mini Cooper
12. Will not try exotic food eg. snake
13. Has a totally cutomised purple colour tennis racquet.
14. Does not learn languages well ( I know english, and i'll stick with it)
15. Likes watching the rain while eating ice cream.
16. Watches only the news channels in the morning.
17. Loves being in photos.
18. Is tiny. Only 35 kilos.
19. Has perfect eye sight.
20. Knows how to play flamenco on the guitar.
21. Good with people.
22. Brushes teeth with a purple or pink tooth brush.
23. Thinks this blog is the best blog in the world.
24. Watched CATS the musical over 80 times. I think its 84.
25. Has an opera singer as a neighbour.
26. Buys a flower every week.
27. Loves listening to jazz.
28. Wears a silver ring on a finger, and never ever takes it out.
29. Dreams to be on a shampoo bottle.
30. Once forgives a person, cant remember the fault the next day.
31. Most of the time, out of credit.
32. Prefers Milk Chocolate.
33. Intends to own a crocodile as a pet.
34. Likes the feeling of being in a fast car.
35. Loves Sorbet ice creams.
36. Knows that Coffee Bean is better than Starbucks.
37. Is a perfectionist.
38. Wants to go bold, just for the thrills.
39. Terribly afraid of fire.
40. Has more guy friends, than girl friends.
41. Loves watching the stars at night, and then the sunrise.
42. Loves taking evening walks.
43. Does not like politics.
44. Sees herself as a famous opera singer having tea with Andrew Lloyd Webber in ten years.
45. Is very, very organised.
46. Wants to be a manager of an F&B outlet.
47. Wants to study Pet Grooming.
48. Wants to be an Ambassador for U2.
49. Played guitar with Daniel Jones.
50. Hates it when people change her plans.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Wish list of ifs

Wish list of ifs

If there was a lake,
Ill swim with you
If there was an open sky,
Ill watch birds with you
If I had more shoes,
Ill walk longer with you
If I had handcuffs,
Ill cuff myself to you
If I was a stranger
Ill walk miles till I find you
If I had one wish
It be to stay with you,

thats if and only if,
my wish list of ifs comes true.

Friday, May 12, 2006

If all ladybrids were females, then how do they have babies?

If all ladybrids were females, then how do they have babies?

It never before came across my mind how a ladybug (ladybird) got its name. If they are all ladies, then how do they reproduce?

Before anyone makes any smart comments, let me just say that I am not and have never been a science stream student. I have always been with the arts stream.(hmmm... I can just imagine, all those who know me, would be thinking that I am joking as my mother is a Biology teacher). But note, I really am not a science student, and you will realize why when you read below.

Here is how I think ladybugs have babies.

Well, ladybugs are such pretty creatures. So I would think that they obviously pamper themselves, just like us humans in a rose petal bubble baths. Theirs would most likely be an aphids bubble bath. (Aphids are green insects that eat plants. Aphids are what ladybugs eat.) So yea, as I was saying, they pamper themselves so well... and in that luxury experience the utmost pleasure which is so divine of the soothing bath. That is when they decide to go lay some eggs, and let more ladybugs experience those divine baths.

Alright. Now I know I sound real juvenile and as you should already know, I just made up that bit of bullshit. Yup, I just read it off the internet on how ladybugs actually have babies. However that is not what is important for this blog.

I am giving out a ladybug award to the person who comes up with the most creative and imaginative explanation to how ladybugs got its name, and how they have babies. It must be totally what you think, and try not to think too scientifically. Just put your answers in by adding a comment to this post. Remember it does not have to be the right answer. I am looking for imagination. The award will be placed in this blog and will have the winners name on it.

This is what the award looks like.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Isnt it an adorable award? hehehe... Get your thinking caps working, and show me some creativity!

The closing date is on the 26th of May.


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

RSVP no more

RSVP no more

It is so frustrating really, how the modern generation reply to invitations. They just dont reply and expect you to know if they are coming or not. No such thing as RSVP anymore. It so sucks, especially when you need to organise things like buy movie tickets or cater food.

Sheesh, I may sound old fashion, but we CANNOT ignore the RSVP sign on a card. Its not there for decoration. Its a sign that the person who invited you needs to do something that requires them to know the amount of people attending.

So next time you get an invite with RSVP on it, reply!

Stress till I here the sound of the harmonica

Stress till I here the sound of the harmonica

My exams are in 26 days time. I am not ready!!! I feel jittery, and unhappy of the fact that there is so much to remember. When I read, I know what is happening. But when I try to recall, oh man, my mind goes blank. I believe this is just stress. AAAHHHHHHH... IM losing time. The clock is ticking. (tick. tock. tick. tock.)

My birthday is in 3 days time, this friday, and I want to release my stress over a movie with my mates. It just sucks cause, most people just turn the offer down, cause of exams. Whats 3 hours for a friend do to your study plans? So much for friends. I seriously dont get it. Most of the time I go out of the way, even when IM busy for yall, and yall cant even give me 3 hours? (this goes to those who turned me down with reason being exams). Talk about being kiasu. Kiasuism + friends = incomplete solution. You just cant have both!

I hear there is a band from uni having a gig on the same night, and people are going for that. Whats the big idea? You waste more time at a gig than at a movie, a movie with your friend on her birthday. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH... Im being depressive.

(Dont mind me, just pissed off. For those of you who said yes to the movie, thank you guys so much. It means the world to me really!! Thats all I want on my birthday, true friends!)

In all, the stress and mess, I still hear the sound of the harmonica coming from the living room where daddy is sitting, playing his brand new Hohner, Big Valley. This puts a smile to my face. Mummy, my siblings and I, got daddy a harmonica for his birthday. I was really worried he would not appreciate it much, but I must say, I know know he does indeed appreciate it. He plays so well. He can actually play it! Note, I emphasize the fact that he can really play, cause most of us own a harmonica in our houses, but no one really knows how to play, but daddy he can not just play it, but he plays it really well. He is re-living the old days where he used to play a hohner really well. Nice to hear the sound of the harmonica again. It shows you his appreciation.

In all the stress, appreciation for the smallest things manages to put a smile on your face.

Love you dad. Keep on playing. It motivates me
. *wink*

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Bunny has been murdered!

Bunny has been murdered!



Bunny came to me as a gift from a friend studying in New Zealand for Easter (thank you Ameet). Measured at about 14 cm tall, stood this bunny in a blue cloak branded Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate, smiling at everybody who stood to admire it (although it knew that his dying day was to come, when someone decides to eat it up).

It arrived on April 17th, and since it was a monday, I decided to wait for the weekend to snap some pictures of it, and send a thank you card to the sender (you see, my sister holds the camera, whose only back on the weekends). Till then, I was gonna bond with the bunny. Every day I open the fridge to see it smiling at me. It was so so adorable.

But then came, April 20th. I opened the fridge in the morning only to find the body of my bunny lying there with its head no where in sight.


*snif* No more smiling bunny. No more 14 cm tall bunny(now only 8 cm tall). No bunny to take a picture to make a thank you card. Alls left is its body.


Oh poor bunny, may you rest in peace.

Just you wait murderer, whoever you are, ill find you.
Youll regret you ever laid eyes on MY Bunny.

(frustrations of living in a house with so many people)

Monday, April 17, 2006



Some guys like to dive right into a relationship
just like raw meat.
Some guys like to take time, and get to know you slowly
just like boiling a potato, then peeling it, then mincing it.

But some guys like a bit of both
You need a bit of meat, and the bolied, peeled and minced potatoes
So I call them cutlets...

p/s: dont take it this too seriously, this is just my cutlet theory.

Friday, April 07, 2006



The term "do what makes you happy" is seriously flawed. Complete bullshit, if you dont have money at the end of the day. It is what you want to believe, what you choose to feel.

The only thing thats real, is the sacrifice people make for the benefit of others. Sacrificing happiness to help someone out. Sacrificing dreams, just so you dont become a burden to anyone. Sacrifising time, so you dont piss people off. True love, is a sacrifice.

Sometimes, people throw the weirdest things at you. Sometimes you end up in a position, that make u lose your reputation, and image. I have made someone so upset at me, that they have lost all respect for me. On the facts of this situation, I could be so angry and not forgive anyone like that, but its different. This person is different. This person will play a big part in my life later on, and I hate having made her upset. I dont know how to say sorry, and even if I did say sorry, I wouldnt be too sure about what I am saying sorry for. But, I am truly sorry for causing hurt to her, and I just wish there was an easier way to get that across to her.

I just wanted to hear an explanation, not from a thrid party. Im still searching for a way.

True love is a sacrifice. This also means, sacrifising your wants, for the happiness of others. Sacrifice for me at this point, is drowning my pride, and finding a way to reconcile.

The season of lent is about sacrifice and reconciliation. I hope and pray, that I will continue to grow in that light.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Show me love

Show me love

I have been so messed up lately. I just keep doing everything wrong. I know I hurt you baby, by having so little time. On my way to class this morning, an old song was playing on the radio, and it just got to me. It is how I feel. Its a good feeling!

Show Me Love by Robyn

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Always been told that I've got too much pride
Too independant to have you by my side
But my heart said all of you will see
Just wont live for someone until hell live for me
Never thought I would find love so sweet
Never thought I would meet someone like you
Well now Ive found you and Ill tell you no lie
This love Ive got for you
Could take me round the world
Now show me love
Show me love, show me life
Baby show me what its all about
Youre the one that I ever needed
Show me love and what its all about, alright
Dont waste this love I wanna give it to you
Tell me what you got, show me what you can do
Show me love, show me everything
I know youve got potential
So baby let me in and show me love
Show me love, show me life (alright)
Baby show me what its all about
Youre the only one that I ever needed (show me love)
Show me love and what its all about, alright
Show me love, show me life
Baby show me what its all about
Youre the one that I ever needed
Show me love and what its all about, alright
Show me love baby
Show me everything youve got and show me life
Show me love baby
Show me everything and what its all about
Youre the one, the only one I ever needed
Show me love and what its all about, alright
Ill love you
Ill miss you
Ill make sure
Everything will be alrightIll give you my heart if you just give me love
Every day and every night
Show me love, show me life (alright)
Baby show me what its all about
Youre the one that I ever needed
Show me love and what its all about, alright
Show me love, show me life (alright)
Baby show me what it's all about
Youre the one that I ever needed
Show me love and what its all about, alright

Its exactlly what I want. show me love...

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Can the worst get any worse?

Can the worst get any worse?

I always find it hard to believe, that things can just get worse when something bad takes place. Why do we have to go through multiple things when we are stressed out?

When I am having a bad day, things just never get any better. Sometimes I get this feeling that I am this walking stick of bad luck. Must all bad things come at one go?

Does this happen to everyone, or is it just me the unfortunate purple cat?
Can the worst get any worse?

Friday, February 24, 2006

Watching the stars

Watching the stars

Let us lie down and watch the stars together.
I remember the time you lay beside me,
and told me the tale of the stars.
I never understood the picture,
so you drew it out for me.

Its my life that you drew out
all the treasured moments were with you.

I cant seem to understand the picture now
Im looking hard and close.
so hard, but I cant understand why
I feel your spirit here, but your away in body.

I feel you, I feel your breath,
as it softly blows in my ear.
Two years have passed,
and this feeling is still here with me.
You are with me.
I can feel you.

I can feel you now,
lying next to me as we watch the stars together.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Nursery Rhyme wonders

Nursery Rhyme wonders

Did you know that there is a nursery rhyme being sung to children that encourage them to eat worms (at least the child is meant to sing it when they feel unloved)? It is called the WORMS song. My legal system lecturer sang in it class yesterday. It is pretty addictive, It is stuck in my head. Take a look at the lyrics.


Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
Guess Ill eat some worms.
Big fat juicy ones
Teeny Weeny skinny ones
see them crawl along.
Ill bite off their heads
and suck in the juice
and throw their skins away
Nobody knows this
but I like to eat worms
three times a day.


The lyrics are of what I remembered only. It might be slightly longer. So what is the point of nursery rhymes likes this? The age old nursery rhyme, rock a bye baby, itself, if you study the literature behind it, is a murder tale.

It is funny how till today we sing all these tales to our children, but what do they really mean? What are we trying to tell them?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Rock Climbing

Rock Climbing

Yes! I finally did rock climbing. Always wanted to do it, but never got down to doing it till today.

It was a quiet trip down to Port Dickson for me, although Port Dickson was filled with people as expected for it is the Chinese New Year break. I got there yesterday. Besides the usual things I do like sailing, chilling at the club, walking on the beach, etc, I got a chance to do some rock climbing at Ocean View Resort.

One of my mates, Brenda has a holdiay home there. That is how I got to know about the 36 feet Rock Climbing Wall. Yes. Its 36 feet tall. Quite ambitious for a person like me who has never done rock climbing in her entire life. Unsure about what she is about to face.

Here are some shots of this experience.

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Getting geared up. The harnest is so tight. The shoes are weird looking. It was the shape of my feet (its purpose is so you get the best grip possible). Helmet is the kids size one, cause I have a real small head.

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All set. Ready to go.
Check out my nervous smile.

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Where is my right foot supposed to go now?

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Only half way through. Still got 18 feet to go. This is more difficult than it looks. I kinda look like spiderman stuck on a wall.

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Almost there. Now to reach for that last rock. Oh no! My legs are shaking. How do I lift myself to ring that bell? This top bit was much trickier than the lower bits because all of the sudden, the rocks shrunk ( no! not literally. As in they were just smaller rocks).

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Ahah! The top! I made it! Woo Hoo. Time to ring the bell.

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Coming down was the best part. Just hanging on to the rope and kicking the wall as they lower the rope. Brilliant feeling. It was like I was starring in a Peter Pan movie. Now my legs are feeling funny.

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WALAH! hehehe. Yes, thats the "im so happy im on land" smile complete with a feline pose. (cats always land on their feet)

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Can you believe I got a certiticate for climbing 36 feet high? Awesome aint it?

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This was an awesome experience. And its all thanks to Brenda (please dont kill me for posting your picture up).

and now my body aches.


Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Souled Out

Souled Out

It was my first time at Souled Out with Ralph. He took me there for dinner last Tuesday. It is such a cool place, the waiters and waitress all clad really cool souled out t-shirts, with souled out caps and bandanas. Some wear three quarter pants, khaki pants, jeans, just name all the pants in the world. Its a free choice I think. It might just need to look a little bling. With all the variety, they all still look uniformed with the matching caps, bandanas and t shirts. Really attractive place to work at.

I know I was excited, that I could not stop looking around the place. Ralph of course was deeply concentrated in the menu in front of him. He has been here so may times, and He still needs a menu. Hmmmm. I open the menu, and with just one glance, I order. Hahah…different characters I guess.

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Dinner was lovely and the company was brilliant. I had so much fun. After dinner, Ralph and I went to the Pool Bar above Fandangos in Hartamas to play some pool.

For the record, I suck at pool

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Im just good at posing.

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And Ralph, is so good at it! Every ball he hits goes into the pockets! Guess someones been playing a lot of pool back in New Zealand.

Overall, I had a fun night. It was awesome.

I hope to get another chance like this, and I hope that mum and dad will let me out again this time.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Still Up Waiting

Still up waiting

The clock is ticking. I still wait up.
I dont know what I am doing up,
Why am I staying up?
What is the reason for me to stay up?
Perhaps its because I love him.

I think I love him
But then again it could be that I am worried,
Or that I just care a lot for him,
Or maybe it is because Im afraid of loosing him
Afraid of living life without him
Afraid of walking a lonely road without him
Afraid that something might happen to him

Something melancholy
Something that will make me spend the rest of my life regretting
Regretting that I could not do something
Regretting that I did not do something
Regretting that I was not with him.

The clock is ticking. And I am still up waiting.
I don’t know why I drive myself crazy
Crazy over the fact that he is not here
Crazy for sacrificing precious sleep
All for one guy.

Maybe it is because
Maybe it is just because
Maybe it is simply because I love him.

I love him.

The clock is ticking. And I am still up.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Christmas at PD

Christmas at PD

I spent christmas in Port Dickson with the boys. It was lots of fun.

We went on a sunset cruise.

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Thats Prashant, Ralph, Me, and Matthew on the sunset cruise enjoying the tsunami waves.

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Just chilling on the boat

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"let's play some snooker!"

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Ralph seems to be enjoying himself

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Nothing but a simple sweet smile from Ralph. Never fails to smile.

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Matt chilling before the cruise.

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Me posing before the cruise. hehehe... I just love pictures.

Well, that was a few shots of christmas in Port Dickson... will try and post more soon.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!