Christmas will be different

It is the christmas season...
what should I expect?

Sometimes I wonder if this year, christmas is going to be different.
Being in a different continent,
different environment,
different friends,
different hopes and expectations,
different ways of living,
different ideals,
different desires,
different goals,

everything so different...
different.

If I was a guardian angel,
I'd send you your one wish,
and that is for me to have a good christmas this year.
The same wish you wish for every year.

This year is gonna be so different,
first christmas without you in a long time...
I dont know what to expect,
maybe I should not expect anything,
that way I might just enjoy every bit that is gonna take place...

But love,
Things are so different for me this christmas,
So maybe it's this year, that will make a difference....

a difference for me,
a difference for you,
and a difference for us...

but maybe not...
I am sorry I cant be there this christmas...

My heart still pains for you everyday...
and I am waiting to be in you arms again,
if you give me that chance....

Im hoping for a different christmas this year...

(oh gosh... Here I go expecting too much again.)

to you my love,
always and forever...

Tulips

I feel like picking tulips today.

It is an amusing feeling. I dont know why I want to do so, but that is what I want to do.

I felt like this since I got your morning message today. The message was unexpected, completely appreciated. It made me feel so much better. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it is me knowing that you are thinking about me. It is a truly amazing feeling to hear from you.

One message, and it is enough to make my day. You always do the exact right thing and you put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. It is like my body is attracted to you. Every time it sees you, my face muscles weaken and It forces a smile. My mind is at peace when I hear from you. Desire and passion running through my mind and it craves for you, wanting every bit of you.

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears. You embrace my soul each morning, and touch my soul at night, and today I feel like picking tulips.

Pink tulips.

Hmmmm.

Jitters

11 days more in Malaysia.
Im leaving on a jet plane,
and I dont know when I'll be back again.

I'm starting to feel like I'm leaving behind a huge part of me.
It's a lonesome feeling....
I feel suffocated. I can't Breathe.
My life flashes back at me from time to time.

I don't know what's happening to me.
This is me.
The girl who was, and still is so excited about leaving for the UK.
I'm Nervous.

My bags are already fully packed,
yet I feel like I still have so much more to pack...

Why, oh why am I feeling like this???

Jitters....

Baby,
kiss me and smile for me,
tell me tht you'll wait for me,
hold me like you'll never let me know....

Its so painful, the process of leaving.

Jitters...

The concept of equality is rigid

I've always worked hard for the things I really want.

And I get them...
At least I am satisfied with the results of determination.

I am determined.
Always have been...
I've felt the stress of determination,
the pressure of a willing mind,
and bore a positive attitude.

I've achieved to this end quite a bit.
because like I said,
I've always worked hard for the things I really want.

But now I wonder, If it is all worth it?
If it was ever fair at all?

So many people,
different limitations,
different amount of hard work,
yet all achieve the same outcome...

Why are we made this way?
Some to understand in just a day,
and someone to never understand at all.

Why do people fight for equality,
when no one is equal?

Is equality measured generally?
and if so, then why bother to measure,
yet alone to speak of it?

Life on its own is unequal to everyone.
The only thing that we all have in common,
is the fact that we all dont know when our life will end,
we can only hope, pray, and wonder.
But we will never know for sure....

I am 21 years old,
and I am still determined to do what I want to do.

But I still stop and wonder every now and then,
why I am so determined when the outcome is similar for everyone...

The concept of equality remains rigid.

Once upon a time, you used to smile....

Once upon a time, you used to smile.
Everytime...

Everytime you saw me,
You would have a glow in your face;
like a fresh light bulb telling the world it exists.
Everytime...

Everytime you spoke to me,
You would grin from ear to ear,
while your eyes watched me admiringly;
as if I were an object of perfection,
and as if we were having the perfect conversation.

Everytime you touched me,
My nerves would tremble,
My thoughts go blank,
and I am lost in your world;
Everytime...

Everytime you kissed me,
you made me feel like you wanted me,
that you needed me,
while butterflies kicked inside of me,
Everytime.
I secretly wanted you too...

Everytime I squelled at something cute,
you would quietly let out a laugh,
that told me that you adored me;
like a new kitten that you would wanna keep...

Everytime you hugged me,
I felt a sense of belonging,
and I just want to stay in your arms;
In you arms, I feel safe...

Everytime you said you loved me,
I knew you meant it.
and how I wish you knew,
that I was feeling the same way about you.
Everytime...

Once upon a time, you used to smile,
Everytime...

Now, its different.
Everytime, is once upon a time.

Everytime you see me,
It feels like Im just an obligation,
an obligation that you are forced to please.

Everytime you speak to me,
It feels like you are tired of talking,
then we slowly start arguing,
both of us like bad lawyers,
trying to prove a pointless case...

Everytime you touch me,
you want more of me,
like a simple touch on the hand would mean nothing.
You would need so much of me,
to feel me...

Everytime you kiss me,
its like you want to be in a moment,
a moment that I just cant feel anymore...

When I squelled at something cute,
you told me to grow up,
as if it was something you always hated in me.

Everytime I say I love you,
I wonder if you even hear me;
When I say I need you,
I wonder if you believe me;

Everytime, everytime...

Once upon a time, you used to smile,
Everytime...

Excited

Hello Bloggers...

I apologise for not posting anything for the past 8 months. Truth is I just haven't been inspired. It's probably due to the stress of final exams which was in June.

I have completed Year 2 of my law degree at HELP University. Now I am off to the University of Liverpool, UK, for my final year. I leave on September 13th, so friends, come chill with me before I leave.

While waiting for my results, I took part in a Mooting Competition with my partner, Christine Ellis. We put in alot of effort in to win this competition, and we did. We won a months internship with Messrs Skrine & Co (biggest law firm in Msia), RM 500 each, invidual trophies, and names on the Rolling trophy.

After the Mooting Competition, I did a 3 week attachment at Messrs Bodipalar Ponnudurai Nathan, advocates, and solicitors (BPN). My master here was Mr Anand Ponnudurai, himself. He is a well known lawyer who specializes in Industrial Relations, which is the area of law I want to major in. My stint at BPN was the best attachment ever. I learnt so much, I was treated with respect, given challenging work to do, and the people at BPN were just the friendliest bunch of people I have ever met. BPN rocks!

At this moment, I am doing the one month attachment I won with Skrine. I've only been there for 3 days. Thus I shall reserve my comments for a later date.

I am so excited about going to UK. So many preps, ie. things to get, people to catch up with, certs to pick up, organise finances,etc.

I just ordered a dell laptop. It's Red in colour!!

I got new sports shoes, and court shoes too!!

hmmmm.... so many more thigns to get.

Will keep you guys updated with more posts.

Thanks for reading my blog!

Love you guys so much!!!